i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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