how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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