i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
