Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
