To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
