last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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