if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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