Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
