i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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