i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
