My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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