So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
