You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
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