All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
