Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
