Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
