i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
