How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
