Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
