Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
