I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
