I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize