She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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