Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
