she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My breasts were aching with rage.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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