Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize