those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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