just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
