I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
