True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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