and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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