There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
