ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
