Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Green mimosas i think yes
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
