I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
