dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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