Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize