You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
worst night to have a conscience
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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