I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
