Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
