I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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