u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
