how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
