Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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