ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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