If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
