May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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