Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
