also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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