i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
