Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
