So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
