he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
