um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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