Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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