we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
