I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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