Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
