i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
