you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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