Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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