If you die in college, do you die in real life?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize