I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
