Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
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