it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
foreskin is a definite game changer
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
