false alarm. still invincible.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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