This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
They took my balls.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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