I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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