is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
