Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize