That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Banned from zoo.
Again?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
