I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
