Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize