Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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