Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
