He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
