The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
