guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
