i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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