who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
