i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He better not be in your backpack
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize