I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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