I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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