oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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