please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
