right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
that may or may not have been my penis.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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