u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
