I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
