Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
