I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
