if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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