Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
