look no pants
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the condom got lost in my hair
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize