after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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