im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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