We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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