You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
