my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
