miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The feeling are messing with the penis
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
