...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
