you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
