Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
