is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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