Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
