She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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