You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
