So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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